August 2016

Been a trying month.

Have really missed Fitz. It was a month ago yesterday that I put him down. I’m starting to get used to him not being here though, and that makes me sad again. I’m not ready for a new one yet though. I got a tattoo of his paw print with an orange heart around it. If you’re not a tattoo fan or animal lover that might sound crazy, but I’m a lover of both so it works for me.

No luck on the job searching yet. Considering a temp agency or something just to get out there again. Almost been 2 months. The severance pay is still there, but I can’t rely on that forever.

Behind in school a little. Ended up getting a D in my last class, so it didn’t count towards graduation, but did against my GPA. I’ll have to retake the class soon. At least it sound be a little easy since I’ve done some of it already.

On that note, I probably won’t be going on a mission trip, or any trips for that matter, next year. I have to let a few things go in order to focus on school and a new job. I’ll be in my final year, so I’ll have upper-level work to keep up with. Scary, yet exciting. Plus, who knows what the next vacation package will look like.

I don’t know if the depression is trying to show up again, if I’m just down because of Fitz and work and school, or I’m just unmotivated to do anything. I’ve also had a couple of panic attacks lately too. It’s so like the waves I talked about a while back. As soon as you think you’ve got your footing again, another wave knocks you off-balance. I wish I could say I was just in a funk and a couple of hugs would make me feel better, but it’s deeper than that. Depression and anxiety are hard things to explain to others who’ve never experienced them. People worry about you and part of you doesn’t want to burden them or you don’t want them to see you as weak or searching for a pity party.

In the meantime, I search job sites, work out, try to keep the apartment clean, read a lot, and study. I do the things I have too, and occasionally have a little fun.