Inspired by a devotion I read this morning, I asked for something from the Lord that scares me. Sorry, not going to tell you what. But if you know me well enough, I think you’ll be able to figure it out.
I haven’t asked for this in a very long time, years actually. I had built myself a little shell, fragile as an egg shell, to ‘protect’ myself. I don’t even think I’ve been willing to ask again. Determined that I had figured out this part of my life and wasn’t willing to let anyone tell me otherwise. Oh, I rarely told most people how I felt, usually just smiled and nodded instead of giving them my speech. But deep down, and in the middle of the night after some dreams, I would cry to God and ask why not me? Was there some magic formula to being in the place in my life that this would even be possible? No, I knew there wasn’t, had to wait and let Him mold me. But in the meantime, I would protect myself by thinking it would never happen.
Someday it will find me, that I’m certain of. I can’t go looking for it, I just have to be willing to let it happen. To live in the here and now and take every lesson from God to heart, to prepare for the season to come. Like a squirrl hording nuts for the winter. Maybe that seems like a bad analogy, maybe it is. I don’t expect a ‘winter’ season, just knowing that there are lessons learned here that are not (as easily?) learned there.
Really, have you not figured it out yet? Even if you have, I ask that you not post a comment letting me know. Email me privately, please, if you have anything to say about this. I mean that in love, honestly. Just because the shell is broken, doesn’t mean my heart isn’t fragile in this. There are many hurts from the past that I fear. I know He hasn’t given a spirit of fear, and this will be a blessing… He just needs to heal some really deep scars, I need to be willing to let Him.