Beginning of May 2014 #depression #dosomething #whyIblog

This blinking cursor is mocking me.  I have so much on my heart, yet don’t know how to put it all in words.

Sometimes I feel like I repeat myself a lot in my blog entries.  I hope you never get bored reading.  Usually what I write is just what’s on my heart at the moment, and it usually feels like if I don’t put my feelings into words I’ll burst.  I’ve just chosen to share these things publicly instead of writing them in a private journal.

Why?  Good question.  Most people try to keep their hearts protected.  And here I am spilling a lot of stuff that most people would feel shame about.

Again, why?  I believe the devil likes to use shame to defeat us.  If we think we’re the only one who’s ever dealt with sin X (or sins A-Z), then God must not love me because I’m just that bad.  It’s such a lie!  No sin you commit is unique to just you.  You haven’t invented something that Jesus didn’t die on the cross for and I can guarantee that someone somewhere has done the same thing.  Maybe even that person sitting next to you now.

So here I am, maybe not confessing all my sins to my public audience, but I share some of the struggles I go through so someone, somewhere, might read it and know they are not alone.

I started this blog when I first acknowledged I was dealing with depression.  I still am.  Clinical/chronic depression can (will) suck the life right out of you.  Especially if you never talk about it.  I think I wrote once that it’s like the waves of the ocean.  Sometimes the waves hit mildly and sometimes it seems like the whole ocean just pulled back and slapped you with all it’s might.  Knocking you down to drown.  What I’ve discovered is that Jesus can calm the waves and walk on water. He’s the ultimate Life Guard.  Even if He sees the waves coming at you and it seems like He’s not there to hold you up, He is.  He never leaves us.  Yes, the world is going to hit at us, but with Him we have the victory.  If you’ve made Jesus Lord of your life, in the end you win.  Eternity in Heaven, what better prize could there be?  The troubles of this world will seem so puny when we’re in the presence of God.  10,000 years and forever more.

There are many things in this life I’m unhappy with:  being overweight and out of shape, being in debt, feeling like I’m not walking in my calling yet, the unjust acts committed against people and animals, human trafficking, abused wives and children, animals uncared for or tortured, billions of people who have never heard about the love of Christ…  I could go on.  I could dwell on these things and let the sorrow overwhelm me.  I have, to the point where I just went numb and couldn’t care anymore.

So I have to find a balance.  It might seem cliché, but right now all I can do for some of the issues is pray.  Some others I give money to help.  And some I can help with.   I can’t tell 6 billion people about how Jesus died for their sins and was resurrected and loves them, but I can tell those I come in contact with and I can help support those who go around the country and world to share the Good News.  I can’t take a year’s worth of food to a sweet little girl in a 3rd world country, but I can donate money to an organization every month who can help provide for her.  I can’t just wish the weight away and sit around hoping to get in shape, but I can get off the couch and work out.  Get my point??  I can’t do it all, but I can do something.

OK, so none of this was what originally on my heart to share 🙂  But I guess that’s what happens when I just start typing.

I was just going to talk about how the depression is going (getting better) and what I’m doing for work outs (Jillian’s 30-Day Shred).  And to say that I can’t believe it’s already May!

But I’ll elaborate on all that later…

Published by tammyk777

I want to be as open as possible, safely anyway. If I've been set free in something, maybe I can encourage someone else to seek God and they can be free too!

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